少年维特之烦恼(英文版)-第26章

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my　wretched　being。　I　could　scarcely　reach　my　room。　I　threw　myself　on　my
knees　；　and　Heaven　，　for　the　last　time，　granted　me　the　consolation
of　shedding　tears。　A　thousand　ideas　，　a　thousand　schemes　，　arose　within
my　soul　；　till　at　length　one　last，　fixed，　final　thought　took　possession
of　my　heart。　It　was　to　die。　I　lay　down　to　rest；　and　in　the　morning　，
in　the　quiet　hour　of　awakening，　the　same　determination　was　upon　me。　To
die　！　It　is　not　despair：　it　is　conviction　that　I　have　filled　up　the
measure　of　my　sufferings，　that　I　have　reached　my　appointed　term，　and
must　sacrifice　myself　for　thee。　Yes　，　Charlotte，　why　should　I　not　avow
it？　One　of　us　three　must　die　：　it　shall　be　Werther。　O　beloved　Charlotte！
this　heart，　excited　by　rage　and　fury　，　has　often　conceived　the　horrid
idea　of　murdering　your　husband——　you——　myself　！　The　lot　is　cast　at
length。　And　in　the　bright　，　quiet　evenings　of　summer　，　when　you　sometimes
wander　toward　the　mountains　，　let　your　thoughts　then　turn　to　me：　recollect
how　often　you　have　watched　me　ing　to　meet　you　from　the　valley；　then
bend　your　eyes　upon　the　churchyard　which　contains　my　grave，　and，　by
the　light　of　the　setting　sun，　mark　how　the　evening　breeze　waves　the　tall
grass　which　grows　above　my　tomb。　I　was　calm　when　I　began　this　letter，
but　the　recollection　of　these　scenes　makes　me　weep　like　a　child。〃　About
ten　in　the　morning，　Werther　called　his　servant　，　and，　whilst　he　was
dressing，　told　him　that　in　a　few　days　he　intended　to　set　out　upon　a　journey，
and　bade　him　therefore　lay　his　clothes　in　order　，　and　prepare　them　for
packing　up，　call　in　all　his　accounts　，　fetch　home　the　books　he　had　lent，
and　give　two　months'　pay　to　the　poor　dependants　who　were　accustomed　to
receive　from　him　a　weekly　allowance。

　　He　breakfasted　in　his　room，　and　then　mounted　his　horse　，　and　went
to　visit　the　steward，　who，　however，　was　not　at　home。　He　walked　pensively
in　the　garden　，　and　seemed　anxious　to　renew　all　the　ideas　that　were　most
painful　to　him。

　　The　children　did　not　suffer　him　to　remain　alone　long。　They　followed
him　，　skipping　and　dancing　before　him，　and　told　him　，　that　after　to…morrow
and　tomorrow　and　one　day　more　，　they　were　to　receive　their　Christmas
gift　from　Charlotte　；　and　they　then　recounted　all　the　wonders　of　which
they　had　formed　ideas　in　their　child　imaginations。　〃Tomorrow　and　tomorrow，
〃　said　he　，　〃and　one　day　more！〃　And　he　kissed　them　tenderly。　He　was
going　；　but　the　younger　boy　stopped　him，　to　whisper　something　in　his
ear。　He　told　him　that　his　elder　brothers　had　written　splendid　New…Year's
wishes　so　large　！　one　for　papa　，　and　another　for　Albert　and　Charlotte，
and　one　for　Werther　；　and　they　were　to　be　presented　early　in　the　morning，
on　New　Year's　Day。　This　quite　overcame　him。　He　made　each　of　the　children
a　present　，　mounted　his　horse，　left　his　pliments　for　papa　and　mamma，
and　，　with　tears　in　his　eyes　，　rode　away　from　the　place。

　　He　returned　home　about　five　o'clock　，　ordered　his　servant　to　keep
up　his　fire　，　desired　him　to　pack　his　books　and　linen　at　the　bottom　of
the　trunk　，　and　to　place　his　coats　at　the　top。　He　then　appears　to　have
made　the　following　addition　to　the　letter　addressed　to　Charlotte：

　　〃You　do　not　expect　me。　You　think　I　will　obey　you，　and　not　visit　you
again　till　Christmas　Eve。　O　Charlotte　，　today　or　never　！　On　Christmas
Eve　you　will　hold　this　paper　in　your　hand　；　you　will　tremble　，　and　moisten
it　with　your　tears。　I　will——　I　must　！　Oh　，　how　happy　I　feel　to　be
determined！〃

　　In　the　meantime　，　Charlotte　was　in　a　pitiable　state　of　mind。　After
her　last　conversation　with　Werther，　she　found　how　painful　to　herself
it　would　be　to　decline　his　visits　，　and　knew　how　severely　he　would　suffer
from　their　separation。

　　She　had　，　in　conversation　with　Albert，　mentioned　casually　that　Werther
would　not　return　before　Christmas　Eve　；　and　soon　afterward　Albert　went
on　horseback　to　see　a　person　in　the　neighbourhood　，　with　whom　he　had
to　transact　some　business　which　would　detain　him　all　night。

　　Charlotte　was　sitting　alone。　None　of　her　family　were　near　，　and　she
gave　herself　up　to　the　reflections　that　silently　took　possession　of　her
mind。　She　was　for　ever　united　to　a　husband　whose　love　and　fidelity　she
had　proved，　to　whom　she　was　heartily　devoted　，　and　who　seemed　to　be
a　special　gift　from　Heaven　to　ensure　her　happiness。　On　the　other　hand　，
Werther　had　bee　dear　to　her。　There　was　a　cordial　unanimity　of　sentiment
between　them　from　the　very　first　hour　of　their　acquaintance　，　and　their
long　association　and　repeated　interviews　had　made　an　indelible　impression
upon　her　heart。　She　had　been　accustomed　to　municate　to　him　every　thought
and　feeling　which　interested　her，　and　his　absence　threatened　to　open
a　void　in　her　existence　which　it　might　be　impossible　to　fill。　How　heartily
she　wished　that　she　might　change　him　into　her　brother　，——　that　she
could　induce　him　to　marry　one　of　her　own　friends，　or　could　reestablish
his　intimacy　with　Albert。

　　She　passed　all　her　intimate　friends　in　review　before　her　mind　，　but
found　something　objectionable　in　each　，　and　could　decide　upon　none　to
whom　she　would　consent　to　give　him。

　　Amid　all　these　considerations　she　felt　deeply　but　indistinctly　that
her　own　real　but　unexpressed　wish　was　to　retain　him　for　herself　，　and
her　pure　and　amiable　heart　felt　from　this　thought　a　sense　of　oppression
which　seemed　to　forbid　a　prospect　of　happiness。　She　was　wretched：　a　dark
cloud　obscured　her　mental　vision。

　　It　was　now　half…past　six　o'clock，　and　she　heard　Werther's　step　on
the　stairs。　She　at　once　recognised　his　voice，　as　he　inquired　if　she　were
at　home。　Her　heart　beat　audibly　——　we　could　almost　say　for　the　first
time——　at　his　arrival。　It　was　too　late　to　deny　herself；　and，　as　he
entered　，　she　exclaimed，　with　a　sort　of　ill　concealed　confusion　，　〃You
have　not　kept　your　word　！〃　〃I　promised　nothing　，〃　he　answered。　〃But
you　should　have　plied，　at　least　for　my　sake　，〃　she　continued。　〃　I
implore　you　，　for　both　our　sakes。〃

　　She　scarcely　knew　what　she　said　or　did；　and　sent　for　some　friends，
who　，　by　their　presence，　might　prevent　her　being　left　alone　with　Werther。
He　put　down　some　books　he　had　brought　with　him，　then　made　inquiries　about
some　others　，　until　she　began　to　hope　that　her　friends　might　arrive　shortly，
entertaining　at　the　same　time　a　desire　that　they　might　stay　away。

　　At　one　moment　she　felt　anxious　that　the　servant　should　remain　in　the
adjoining　room，　then　she　changed　her　mind。　Werther　，　meanwhile，　walked
impatiently　up　and　down。　She　went　to　the　piano，　and　determined　not　to
retire。　She　then　collected　her　thoughts　，　and　sat　down　quietly　at　Werther's
side，　who　had　taken　his　usual　place　on　the　sofa。

　　〃Have　you　brought　nothing　to　read　？〃　she　inquired。　He　had　nothing。
〃There　in　my　drawer　，〃　she　continued　，　〃you　will　find　your　own　translation
of　some　of　the　songs　of　Ossian。　I　have　not　yet　read　them，　as　I　have　still
hoped　to　hear　you　recite　them　；　but，　for　some　time　past　，　I　have　not
been　able　to　acplish　such　a　wish。〃　He　smiled　，　and　went　for　the　manuscript，
which　he　took　with　a　shudder。　He　sat　down　；　and，　with　eyes　full　of　tears，
he　began　to　read。

　　〃Star　of　descending　night　！　fair　is　thy　light　in　the　west！　thou
liftest　thy　unshorn　head　from　thy　cloud　；　thy　steps　are　stately　on　thy
hill。　What　dost　thou　behold　in　the　plain？　The　stormy　winds　are　laid。
The　murmur　of　the　torrent　es　from　afar。　Roaring　waves　climb　the　distant
rock。　The　flies　of　evening　are　on　their　feeble　wings：　the　hum　of　their
course　is　on　the　field。　What　dost　thou　behold　，　fair　light　？　But　thou
dost　smile　and　depart。　The　waves　e　with　joy　around　thee：　they　bathe
thy　lovely　hair。　Farewell　，　thou　silent　beam　！　Let　the　light　of　Ossian's
soul　arise！

　　〃And　it　does　arise　in　its　strength！　I　behold　my　departed　friends。
Their　gathering　is　on　Lora，　as　in　the　days　of　other　years。　Fingal　es
like　a　watery　column　of　mist！　his　heroes　are　around：　and　see　the　bards
of　song　，　gray…haired　Ullin！　stately　Ryno　！　Alpin　with　the　tuneful
voice　：　the　soft　plaint