白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第39章

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　weren't　dangerous。〃
　　〃And　now？〃　Babette　said。
　　We　watched　him　use　his　spoon　to　mold　the　mashed　potatoes　on　his　plate　into　the　shape　of　a　volcanic　mountain。　He　poured　gravy　ever　so　carefully　into　the　opening　at　the　top。　Then　he　set　to　work　ridding　his　steak　of　fat；　veins　and　other　imperfections。　It　occurred　to　me　that　eating　is　the　only　form　of　professionalism　most　people　ever　attain。
　　〃This　is　the　big　new　worry；〃　he　said。　〃Forget　spills；　fallouts；　leakages。　It's　the　things　right　around　you　in　your　own　house　that'll　get　you　sooner　or　later。　It's　the　electrical　and　magnetic　fields。　Who　in　this　room　would　believe　me　if　I　said　that　the　suicide　rate　hits　an　all…time　record　among　people　who　live　near　high…voltage　power　lines？　What　makes　these　people　so　sad　and　depressed？　Just　the　sight　of　ugly　wires　and　utility　poles？　Or　does　something　happen　to　their　brain　cells　from　being　exposed　to　constant　rays？〃
　　He　immersed　a　piece　of　steak　in　the　gravy　that　sat　in　the　volcanic　depression；　then　put　it　in　his　mouth。　But　he　did　not　begin　chewing　until　he'd　scooped　some　potatoes　from　the　lower　slopes　and　added　it　to　the　meat。　A　tension　seemed　to　be　building　around　the　question　of　whether　he　could　finish　the　gravy　before　the　potatoes　collapsed。
　　〃Forget　headaches　and　fatigue；〃　he　said　as　he　chewed。　〃What　about　nerve　disorders；　strange　and　violent　behavior　in　the　home？　There　are　scientific　findings。　Where　do　you　think　all　the　deformed　babies　are　ing　from？　Radio　and　TV；　that's　where。〃
　　The　girls　looked　at　him。　admiringly。　I　wanted　to　argue　with　him。　I　wanted　to　ask　him　why　I　should　believe　these　scientific　findings　but　not　the　results　that　indicated　we　were　safe　from　Nyodene　contamination。　But　what　could　I　say；　considering　my　condition？　I　wanted　to　tell　him　that　statistical　evidence　of　the　kind　he　was　quoting　from　was　by　nature　inconclusive　and　misleading。　I　wanted　to　say　that　he　would　learn　to　regard　all　such　catastrophic　findings　with　equanimity　as　he　matured；　grew　out　of　his　confining　literalism；　developed　a　spirit　of　informed　and　skeptical　inquiry；　advanced　in　wisdom　and　rounded　judgment；　got　old；　declined；　died。
　　But　I　only　said；　〃Terrifying　data　is　now　an　industry　in　itself。　Different　firms　pete　to　see　how　badly　they　can　scare　us。〃
　　〃I've　got　news　for　you；〃　he　said。　〃The　brain　of　a　white　rat　releases　calcium　ions　when　it's　exposed　to　radio…frequency　waves。　Does　anyone　at　this　table　know　what　that　means？〃
　　Denise　looked　at　her　mother。
　　〃Is　this　what　they　teach　in　school　today？〃　Babette　said。　〃What　happened　to　civics；　how　a　bill　bees　a　law？　The　square　of　the　hypotenuse　is　equal　to　the　sum　of　the　squares　of　the　two　sides。　I　still　remember　my　theorems。　The　battle　of　Bunker　Hill　was　really　fought　on　Breed's　Hill。　Here's　one。　Latvia；　Estonia　and　Lithuania。〃
　　〃Was　it　the　Monitor　or　the　Merrimac　that　got　sunk？〃　I　said。
　　〃I　don't　know　but　it　was　Tippecanoe　and　Tyler　too。〃
　　〃What　was　that？〃　Steffie　said。
　　〃I　want　to　say　he　was　an　Indian　running　for　office。　Here's　one。　Who　invented　the　mechanical　reaper　and　how　did　it　change　the　face　of　American　agriculture？〃
　　〃I'm　trying　to　remember　the　three　kinds　of　rock；〃　I　said。　〃Igneous；　sedimentary　and　something　else。〃
　　〃What　about　your　logarithms？　What　about　the　causes　of　economic　discontent　leading　up　to　the　Great　Grash？　Here's　one。　Who　won　the　Lincoln…Douglas　debates？　Careful。　It's　not　as　obvious　as　it　seems。〃
　　〃Anthracite　and　bituminous；〃　I　said。　〃Isosceles　and　scalene。〃
　　The　mysterious　words　came　back　to　me　in　a　rush　of　confused　schoolroom　images。
　　〃Here's　one。　Angles；　Saxons　and　Jutes。〃
　　Déjà　vu　was　still　a　problem　in　the　area。　A　toll…free　hotline　had　been　set　up。　There　were　counselors　on　duty　around　the　clock　to　talk　to　people　who　were　troubled　by　recurring　episodes。　Perhaps　déjà　vu　and　other　tics　of　the　mind　and　body　were　the　durable　products　of　the　airborne　toxic　event。　But　over　a　period　of　time　it　became　possible　to　interpret　such　things　as　signs　of　a　deep…reaching　isolation　we　were　beginning　to　feel。　There　was　no　large　city　with　a　vaster　torment　we　might　use　to　see　our　own　dilemma　in　some　soothing　perspective。　No　large　city　to　blame　for　our　sense　of　victimization。　No　city　to　hate　and　fear。　No　panting　megacenter　to　absorb　our　woe；　to　distract　us　from　our　unremitting　sense　of　time—
　　time　as　the　agent　of　our　particular　ruin；　our　chromosome　breaks；　hysterically　multiplying　tissue。
　　〃Baba；〃　I　whispered　between　her　breasts；　that　night　in　bed。
　　Although　we　are　for　a　small　town　remarkably　free　of　resentment；　the　absence　of　a　polestar　metropolis　leaves　us　feeling　in　our　private　moments　a　little　lonely。
　　24
　　It　was　the　following　night　that　I　discovered　the　Dylar。　An　amber　bottle　of　lightweight　plastic。　It　was　taped　to　the　underside　of　the　radiator　cover　in　the　bathroom。　I　found　it　when　the　radiator　began　knocking　and　I　removed　the　cover　to　study　the　valve　in　an　earnest　and　methodical　way；　trying　to　disguise　to　myself　the　helplessness　I　felt。
　　I　went　at　once　to　find　Denise。　She　was　in　bed　watching　TV。　When　I　told　her　what　I'd　found　we　went　quietly　into　the　bathroom　and　looked　at　the　bottle　together。　It　was　easy　to　see　the　word　Dylar　through　the　transparent　tape。　Neither　of　us　touched　a　thing；　so　great　was　our　surprise　at　finding　the　medication　concealed　in　this　manner。　We　regarded　the　little　tablets　with　solemn　concern。　Then　we　exchanged　a　look　fraught　with　implication。
　　Without　a　word　we　replaced　the　radiator　cover；　bottle　intact；　and　went　back　to　Denise's　room。　The　voice　at　the　end　of　the　bed　said：　〃Meanwhile　here　is　a　quick　and　attractive　lemon　garnish　suitable　for　any　sea　food。〃
　　Denise　sat　on　the　bed；　looking　past　me；　past　the　TV　set；　past　the　posters　and　souvenirs。　Her　eyes　were　narrowed；　her　face　set　in　a　thoughtful　scowl。
　　〃We　say　nothing　to　Baba。〃
　　〃All　right；〃　I　said。
　　〃She'll　only　say　she　doesn't　remember　why　she　put　it　there。〃
　　〃What　is　Dylar？　That's　what　I　want　to　know。　There　are　only　three　or　four　places　she　could　have　gone　to　get　the　prescription　filled；　within　a　reasonable　distance。　A　pharmacist　can　tell　us　what　the　stuff　is　for。　I'll　get　in　the　car　first　thing　in　the　morning。〃
　　〃I　already　did　that；〃　she　said。
　　〃When？〃
　　〃Around　Christmas。　I　went　to　three　drugstores　and　talked　to　the　Indians　behind　the　counters　in　the　back。〃
　　〃I　think　they're　Pakistanis。〃
　　〃Whatever。〃
　　〃What　did　they　tell　you　about　Dylar？〃
　　〃Never　heard　of　it。〃
　　〃Did　you　ask　them　to　look　it　up？　They　must　have　lists　of　the　most　recent　medications。　Supplements；　updates。〃
　　〃They　looked。　It's　not　on　any　list。〃
　　〃Unlisted；〃　I　said。
　　〃We'll　have　to　call　her　doctor。〃
　　〃I'll　call　him　now。　I'll　call　him　at　home。〃
　　〃Surprise　him；〃　she　said；　with　a　certain　ruthlessness。
　　〃If　I　get　him　at　home；　he　won't　be　screened　by　an　answering　service；　a　receptionist；　a　nurse；　the　young　and　good…humored　doctor　who　shares　his　suite　of　offices　and　whose　role　in　life　is　to　treat　the　established　doctor's　rejects。　Once　you're　shunted　from　the　older　doctor　to　the　younger　doctor；　it　means　that　you　and　your　disease　are　second…rate。〃
　　〃Call　him　at　home；〃　she　said。　〃Wake　him　up。　Trick　him　into　telling　us　what　we　want　to　know。〃
　　The　only　phone　was　in　the　kitchen。　I　ambled　down　the　hall；　glancing　into　our　bedroom　to　make　sure　Babette　was　still　there；　ironing　blouses　and　listening　to　a　call…in　show　on　the　radio；　a　form　of　entertainment　she'd　recently　bee　addicted　to。　I　went　down　to　the　kitchen；　found　the　doctor's　name　in　the　phone　book　and　dialed　his　home　number。
　　The　doctor's　name　was　Hookstratten。　It　sounded　sort　of　German。　I'd　met　him　once—a　stooped　man　with　a　bird…wattled　face　and　deep　voice。　Denise　had　said　to　trick　him　but　the　only　way　to　do　that　was　within　a　context　of　honesty　and　truthfulness。　If　I　pretended　to　be　a　stranger　seeking　information　about　Dylar；　he　would　either　hang　up　or　tell　me　to　e　into　the　office。
　　He　answered　on　the　fourth　or　fifth　ring。　I　told　him　who　I　was　and　said　I　was　concerned　about　Babette。　Concerned　enough　to　call　him　at　home—an　admittedly　rash　act　but　one　I　hoped　he'd　be　able　to　understand。　I　said　I　was　fairly　sure　it　was　the　medication　he'