白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第58章

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　　Positive。　Why；　do　the　numbers　show　some　sign　of　possible　exposure？〃
　　〃If　you　haven't　been　exposed；　then　they　couldn't　very　well　show　a　sign；　could　they？〃
　　'Then　we　agree；〃　I　said。
　　〃Tell　me　this；　Mr。　Gladney；　in　all　honesty。　How　do　you　feel？〃
　　〃To　the　best　of　my　knowledge；　I　feel　very　well。　First…rate。　I　feel　better　than　I　have　in　years；　relatively　speaking。〃
　　〃What　do　you　mean；　relatively　speaking？〃
　　〃Given　the　fact　I'm　older　now。〃
　　He　looked　at　me　carefully。　He　seemed　to　be　trying　to　stare　me　down。　Then　he　made　a　note　on　my　record。　I　might　have　been　a　child　facing　the　school　principal　over　a　series　of　unexcused　absences。
　　I　said；　〃How　can　we　tell　whether　the　elevation　is　true　or　false？〃
　　〃I　will　send　you　to　Glassboro　for　further　tests。　Would　you　like　that？　There　is　a　brand…new　facility　called　Autumn　Harvest　Farms。　They　have　gleaming　new　equipment。　You　won't　be　disappointed；　wait　and　see。　It　gleams；　absolutely。〃
　　〃All　right。　But　is　potassium　the　only　thing　we　have　to　watch？〃
　　〃The　less　you　know；　the　better。　Go　to　Glassboro。　Tell　them　to　delve　thoroughly。　No　stone　unturned。　Tell　them　to　send　you　back　to　me　with　sealed　results。　I　will　analyze　them　down　to　the　smallest　detail。　I　will　absolutely　pick　them　apart。　They　have　the　know…how　at　Harvest　Farms；　the　most　delicate　of　instruments；　I　promise　you。　The　best　of　third…world　technicians；　the　latest　procedures。〃
　　His　bright　smile　hung　there　like　a　peach　on　a　tree。
　　〃Together；　as　doctor　and　patient；　we　can　do　things　that　neither　of　us　could　do　separately。　There　is　not　enough　emphasis　on　prevention。　An　ounce　of　prevention；　goes　the　saying。　Is　this　a　proverb　or　a　maxim？　Surely　professor　can　tell　us。〃
　　〃I'll　need　time　to　think　about　it。〃
　　〃In　any　case；　prevention　is　the　thing；　isn't　it？　I've　just　seen　the　latest　issue　of　American　Mortician。　Quite　a　shocking　picture。　The　industry　is　barely　adequate　to　acmodating　the　vast　numbers　of　dead。〃
　　Babette　was　right。　He　spoke　English　beautifully。　I　went　home　and　started　throwing　things　away。　I　threw　away　fishing　lures；　dead　tennis　balls；　torn　luggage。　I　ransacked　the　attic　for　old　furniture；　discarded　lampshades；　warped　screens；　bent　curtain　rods。　I　threw　away　picture　frames；　shoe　trees；　umbrella　stands；　wall　brackets；　highchairs　and　cribs；　collapsible　TV　trays；　beanbag　chairs；　broken　turntables。　I　threw　away　shelf　paper；　faded　stationery；　manuscripts　of　articles　I'd　written；　galley　proofs　of　the　same　articles；　the　journals　in　which　the　articles　were　printed。　The　more　things　I　threw　away；　the　more　I　found。　The　house　was　a　sepia　maze　of　old　and　tired　things。　There　was　an　immensity　of　things；　an　overburdening　weight；　a　connection；　a　mortality。　I　stalked　the　rooms；　flinging　things　into　cardboard　boxes。　Plastic　electric　fans；　burnt…out　toasters；　Star　Trek　needlepoints。　It　took　well　over　an　hour　to　get　everything　down　to　the　sidewalk。　No　one　helped　me。　I　didn't　want　help　or　pany　or　human　understanding。　I　just　wanted　to　get　the　stuff　out　of　the　house。　I　sat　on　the　front　steps　alone；　waiting　for　a　sense　of　ease　and　peace　to　settle　in　the　air　around　me。
　　A　woman　passing　on　the　street　said；　〃A　decongestant；　an　antihistamine；　a　cough　suppressant；　a　pain　reliever。〃
　　35
　　Babette　could　not　get　enough　of　talk　radio。　〃I　hate　my　face；〃　a　woman　said。　'This　is　an　ongoing　problem　with　me　for　years。　Of　all　the　faces　you　could　have　given　me；　lookswise；　this　one　has　got　to　be　the　worst。　But　how　can　I　not　look？　Even　if　you　took　all　my　mirrors　away；　I　would　still　find　a　way　to　look。　How　can　I　not　look　on　the　one　hand？　But　I　hate　it　on　the　other。　In　other　words　I　still　look。　Because　whose　face　is　it；　obviously？　What　do　I　do；　forget　it's　there；　pretend　it's　someone　else's？　What　I'm　trying　to　do　with　this　call；　Mel；　is　find　other　people　who　have　a　problem　accepting　their　face。　Here　are　some　questions　to　get　us　started。　What　did　you　look　like　before　you　were　born？　What　will　you　look　like　in　the　afterlife；　regardless　of　race　or　color？〃
　　Babette　wore　her　sweatsuit　almost　all　the　time。　It　was　a　plain　gray　outfit；　loose　and　drooping。　She　cooked　in　it；　drove　the　kids　to　school；　wore　it　to　the　hardware　store　and　the　stationer's。　I　thought　about　it　for　a　while；　decided　there　was　nothing　excessively　odd　in　this；　nothing　to　worry　about；　no　reason　to　believe　she　was　sinking　into　apathy　and　despair。
　　〃How　do　you　feel？〃　I　said。　'Tell　the　truth。〃
　　〃What　is　the　truth？　I'm　spending　more　time　with　Wilder。　Wilder　helps　me　get　by。〃
　　〃I　depend　on　you　to　be　the　healthy　outgoing　former　Babette。　I　need　this　as　badly　as　you　do；　if　not　more。〃
　　〃What　is　need？　We　all　need。　Where　is　the　uniqueness　in　this？〃
　　〃Are　you　feeling　basically　the　same？〃
　　〃You　mean　am　I　sick　unto　death？　The　fear　hasn't　gone；　Jack。〃
　　〃We　have　to　stay　active。〃
　　〃Active　helps　but　Wilder　helps　more。〃
　　〃Is　it　my　imagination；〃　I　said；　〃or　is　he　talking　less　than　ever？〃
　　'There's　enough　talk。　What　is　talk？　I　don't　want　him　to　talk。　The　less　he　talks；　the　better。〃
　　〃Denise　worries　about　you。〃
　　〃Who？〃
　　〃Denise。〃
　　〃Talk　is　radio；〃　she　said。
　　Denise　would　not　let　her　mother　go　running　unless　she　promised　to　apply　layers　of　sunscreen　gel。　The　girl　would　follow　her　out　of　the　house　to　dash　a　final　glob　of　lotion　across　the　back　of　Babette's　neck；　then　stand　on　her　toes　to　stroke　it　evenly　in。　She　tried　to　cover　every　exposed　spot。　The　brows；　the　lids。　They　had　bitter　arguments　about　the　need　for　this。　Denise　said　the　sun　was　a　risk　to　a　fair…skinned　person。　Her　mother　claimed　the　whole　business　was　publicity　for　disease。
　　〃Besides；　I'm　a　runner；〃　she　said。　〃A　runner　by　definition　is　less　likely　to　be　struck　by　damaging　rays　than　a　standing　or　walking　figure。〃
　　Denise　spun　in　my　direction；　arms　flung　out；　her　body　beseeching　me　to　set　the　woman　straight。
　　'The　worst　rays　are　direct；〃　Babette　said。　〃This　means　the　faster　a　person　is　moving；　the　more　likely　she　is　to　receive　only　partial　hits；　glancing　rays；　deflections。〃
　　Denise　let　her　mouth　fall　open；　bent　her　body　at　the　knees。　In　truth　I　wasn't　sure　her　mother　was　wrong。
　　〃It　is　all　a　corporate　tie…in；〃　Babette　said　in　summary。　'The　sunscreen；　the　marketing；　the　fear；　the　disease。　You　can't　have　one　without　the　other。〃
　　I　took　Heinrich　and　his　snake…handling　buddy；　Orest　Mercator；　out　to　the　mercial　strip　for　dinner。　It　was　four　in　the　afternoon；　the　time　of　day　when　Orest's　training　schedule　called　for　his　main　meal。　At　his　request　we　went　to　Vincent's　Casa　Mario；　a　blockhouse　structure　with　slit　windows　that　seemed　part　of　some　coastal　defense　system。
　　I'd　found　myself　thinking　of　Orest　and　his　snakes　and　wanted　a　chance　to　talk　to　him　further。
　　We　sat　in　a　blood…red　booth。　Orest　gripped　the　tasseled　menu　with　his　chunky　hands。　His　shoulders　seemed　broader　than　ever；　the　serious　head　partly　submerged　between　them。
　　〃How's　the　training　going？〃　I　said。
　　〃I'm　slowing　it　down　a　little。　I　don't　want　to　peak　too　soon。　I　know　how　to　take　care　of　my　body。〃
　　〃Heinrich　told　me　you　sleep　sitting　up；　to　prepare　for　the　cage。〃
　　〃I　perfected　that。　I'm　doing　different　stuff　now。〃
　　〃Like　what？〃
　　〃Loading　up　on　carbohydrates。〃
　　〃That's　why　we　came　here；〃　Heinrich　said。
　　〃I　load　up　a　little　more　each　day。〃
　　〃It's　because　of　the　huge　energy　he'll　be　burning　up　in　the　cage；　being　alert；　tensing　himself　when　a　mamba　approaches；　whatever。〃
　　We　ordered　pasta　and　water。
　　'Tell　me；　Orest。　As　you　get　closer　and　closer　to　the　time；　are　you　beginning　to　feel　anxious？〃
　　〃What　anxious？　I　just　want　to　get　in　the　cage。　Sooner　the　better。　This　is　what　Orest　Mercator　is　all　about。〃
　　〃You're　not　nervous？　You　don't　think　about　what　might　happen？〃
　　〃He　likes　to　be　positive；〃　Heinrich　said。　〃This　is　the　thing　today　with　athletes。　You　don't　dwell　on　the　negative。〃
　　〃Tell　me　this；　then。　What　is　the　negative？　What　do　you　think　of　when　you　think　of　the　negative？〃
　　〃Here's　what　I　think。　I'm　nothing　without　the　snakes。　That's　the　only　negative。　The　negative　is　if　it　doesn't　e　off；　if　the　humane　society　doesn't　let　me　in　the　cage。　How　can　I　be　the　best　at　what　I　do　if　they　don't　let　me　do　it？〃
　　I