tg.stone of tears-第182章

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　The　brothers　had　made　her　a　warm　and　snug　home　for　the　night。　She　could　have　wept　at　their　thoughtfulness。
　
　Her　pack　was　there；　and　her　clothes　folded　in　a　neat　pile。　Kahlan　took　off　her　necklace；　the　one　Adie　had　given　her；　the　one　with　the　round　bone。　It　was　…the　only　thing　she　had　worn　into　battle。　She　clutched　it　to　her　cheek　a　moment　before　she　washed　it。　It　reminded　her　of　the　one　her　mother　had　given　her。
　
　She　dunked　her　whole　head　in　the　bucket；　washed　her　hair；　and　then　methodically　washed　the　rest　of　herself。　It　was　only　a　sponge　bath；　but　it　still　felt　wonderful　to　wash　off　the　blood；　and　the　feel　of　the　hands。　She　had　to　force　herself　to　think　of　other　things　as　she　washed；　to　keep　from　being　sick。　She　thought　of　Richard；　thought　of　his　boyish　smile　that　never　failed　to　make　her　grin；　thought　of　his　gray　eyes　that　could　look　right　into　her。　When　she　finished　washing；　she　lay　down；　drying　her　hair　on　the　rocks。
　
　She　desperately　needed　sleep。　She　still　hadn’t　recovered　her　Confessor’s　power　since　using　it　on　the　one…eyed　man；　Orsk。　She　could　feel　the　emptiness　in　the　pit　of　her　stomach；　a　hollow　where　the　power　belonged。　It　would　be　a　while　longer　until　it　was　restored。　She　wouldn’t　be　able　to　shake　the　sick；　dizzy　exhaustion；　though；　until　she　had　sleep。
　
　She　longed　to　lie　down　in　her　bedroll　and　sleep。　It　had　been　so　long；　and　she　was　so　sleepy。　But　she　couldn’t。　Not　yet。
　
　She　put　the　necklace　back　over　her　head　and　then　laboriously　pulled　on　her　clothes。　From　her　pack　she　recovered　an　unguent　and　spread　it　on　her　cut　lip。　When　she　replaced　it；　she　saw　the　bone　knife　Chandalen　had　given　her；　and　tied　it　around　her　arm　again。
　
　She　was　so　tired　she　could　hardly　force　herself　up；　but　she　had　something　to　do　before　she　slept；　she　had　to　be　with　her　men。　She　wouldn’t　let　them　think　she　didn’t　hold　their　interest　highest　in　her　heart。　They　had　offered　their　lives；　the　least　she　could　do　was　show　her　appreciation；　on　behalf　of　the　Midlands。
　
　Clean；　her　long　hair　full　and　shiny　once　more；　and　dressed　at　last　in　layers　of　warm　clothes　and　her　mantle；　she　wound　her　way　among　the　campfires。　She　listened　with　serious　attention　to　the　babbling　stories　of　some；　and　the　quiet；　brief　words　of　others。　She　spoke　with　all　who　had　questions；　gave　smiles　of　reassurance；　and　let　them　all　know　how　proud　she　was　of　what　they　had　done。　She　knelt　by　the　wounded；　checking　to　see　if　they　were　warm　enough；　and　laid　a　hand　to　their　cheeks；　giving　fort；　and　wishing　them　good　health　and　quick　healing。　She；　too；　felt　relief　when　they　were　calmed　by　her　touch。
　
　At　a　fire　surrounded　by　ten　silent　soldiers；　one　young　man　was　trembling；　but　she　didn’t　think　it　was　from　the　cold。
　
　‘How　are　you　doing？　Are　you　all　right？　Are　you　getting　warm？’
　
　Her　presence　surprised　and　brightened　him。　‘Yes；　Mother　Confessor。’　A　racking　shiver　rattled　his　teeth。　‘I　never　thought　it　would　be　like　that。’　He　posed　himself；　and　indicated　the　others。　‘These　are　my　friends。　Six　didn’t　e　back。’
　
　She　held　her　mantle　closed　with　one　hand　and　brushed　the　hair　back　off　his　forehead　with　the　other。　‘I’m　sorry。　I；　too；　grieve　for　them。　I　just　wanted　you　men　to　know　that　you　made　me　proud。　You　were　as　brave　as　any　soldiers　I’ve　ever　seen。’
　
　He　chuckled　nervously。　‘We’d　all　be　dead　if　it　wasn’t　for　you。　We　were　being　driven　back；　hacked　to　pieces；　and　then　you　charged　right　into　the　enemy；　all　by　yourself。　They　all　turned　their　attention　to　you；　and　then；　while　they　were　confused；　we　counterattacked。　What　you　did　saved　us。’
　
　He　shook　his　head。　‘I　wish　I　had　killed　half　as　many　men　tonight　as　I　saw　you　kill。’　They　all　nodded　their　earnest　agreement。　He　brushed　trembling　fingers　across　his　face。　Thank　you；　Mother　Confessor。　If　it　weren’t　for　what　you　did；　we　would　all　be　dead；　too。’　He　gave　her　a　twitch　of　a　smile。　‘If　I　had　the　choice；　I’d　choose　to　follow　you　into　battle　over　Prince　Harold　himself。’
　
　‘Pretty　good　with　a　sword；　is　she？’
　
　She　started　at　the　voice。　The　soldier　turned　to　see　Captain　Ryan　standing　behind　her。
　
　‘I　think　she　could　teach　us　swordsmen　a　thing　or　two。　You　wouldn’t　believe　what　she　。。。’
　
　Kahlan　patted　his　shoulder。　‘Have　you　had　something　to　eat？’
　
　He　pointed　to　the　pot　of　beans　on　the　fire。　‘Would　you　share　some　with　us；　Mother　Confessor？’
　
　She　almost　lost　control　of　her　queasy　stomach。　‘You　men　eat。　You　need　the　strength。　Thank　you　for　the　offer；　but　I　must　first　see　to　the　others。’
　
　Captain　Ryan　followed　her　away。　‘I　had　thought　you　might　have　some　trouble　handling　a　sword。　The　men　who　unsaddled　your　horse　told　me　they　found　dismembered　hands　and　fingers　caught　in　the　girth　strap；　and　a　few　other　places。’
　
　Kahlan　smiled　at　men　she　passed。　They　lifted　a　hand　or　bowed　their　heads　in　greeting。　‘Have　you　forgotten　who　my　father　was？　He　taught　me　the　use　of　a　sword。’
　
　‘Mother　Confessor；　that　doesn’t　mean　。。。’
　
　‘Lieutenant　Sloan　was　killed。’
　
　He　fell　silent　a　moment。　‘I　know。　They　told　me。’　He　put　a　hand　under　her　arm　when　she　stumbled。　‘You　don’t　look　so　good。　Some　of　those　men　who　were　poisoned　looked　better　than　you。’
　
　‘It’s　just　that　I　haven’t　slept　for　so　long。’　She　didn’t　tell　him　that　she　had　also　used　her　power　again。　‘I’m　dead　tired。’
　
　Back　outside　her　shelter；　Tossidin　offered　her　a　bowl　of　beans。　Her　fingers　covered　her　mouth　as　her　eyes　winced　closed。　She　thought　she　might　faint　at　the　sight　and　smell　of　food。　Tossidin　seemed　to　understand　and　took　it　away。
　
　Prindin　put　a　hand　under　her　other　arm。　‘Mother　Confessor；　you　must　eat；　but　you　need　rest　even　more。’　She　nodded　her　agreement。　‘I　made　you　some　tea；　I　thought　it　might　be　a　fort。’　He　pointed　with　his　chin　to　the　shelter。　‘It　is　inside。’
　
　‘Yes；　tea　might　help　settle　my　stomach。’　She　gave　the　captain’s　arm　a　squeeze。　‘Wake　me　in　the　morning；　when　it’s　time　for　the　next　attack。　I’ll　go　with　the　men。’
　
　‘If　you’re　rested　enough。　Only　if　。。。’　She　cut　him　off　with　a　look。　‘Yes；　Mother　Confessor。　I’ll　wake　you　myself。’
　
　Inside　the　cozy　shelter；　she　sipped　the　hot　tea；　and　shook。　Her　head　was　spinning。　She　could　only　take　a　few　swallows　before　she　fell　into　the　bedroll。　She　would　be　better；　she　told　herself；　when　she　was　rested。　She　could　feel　her　power　ing　to　life　at　last；　swelling　with　its　familiar　force　within　her　chest。
　
　She　curled　up　under　her　fur　mantle；　thinking　of　the　thousand　things　that　needed　to　be　tended　to。　She　worried　about　the　men　who　were　at　that　moment　attacking；　and　the　ones　who　would　go　next。　She　fretted　for　them　all。　They　were　so　young。
　
　She　worried　about　what　she　had　started。　War。
　
　But　she　hadn’t　started　it。　She　had　only　refused　to　abandon　the　lives　of　innocent　people　to　a　sure　death。　She’d　had　no　choice。　As　the　Mother　Confessor；　she　had　a　responsibility　to　the　people　of　the　Midlands。　If　the　Imperial　Order　wasn’t　stopped；　untold　thousands　would　die　at　their　hands；　and　those　who　lived　would　live　as　slaves　to　the　Order。
　
　She　thought　about　the　young　women　at　the　palace　in　Ebinissia。　Their　faces　floated　and　spun　through　her　mind’s　eye。　She　was　too　weary　to　weep　for　them。　When　they　were　avenged；　there　would　be　time　enough　to　weep。
　
　She　seethed　with　a　lust　for　vengeance。　She　resolved　that　she　would　hound　the　army　of　the　Imperial　Order　to　their　graves。　In　the　morning；　she　would　once　more　lead　her　men　against　the　enemy。　She　would　see　it　through。　She　would　see　those　girls；　and　all　the　others；　avenged。
　
　If　the　Imperial　Order　wasn’t　stopped；　not　only　would　innocent　people　be　slaughtered；　but　all　magic；　good　and　bad；　all　the　creatures　of　magic；　would　perish。
　
　Richard　had　magic。
　
　Her　mind　drifted　to　Richard。　And　then　she　did　weep；　weep　in　the　hope　that　he　would　not　hate　her　for　what　she　had　done。　She　prayed　that　he　would　be　able　to　understand　and　forgive　her。　She　had　done　the　best　for　him；　to　save　him；　to　save　the　living。　Her　tears　slowed；　finally　sobbing　to　a　stop。
　
　Her　thoughts　of　Richard　swept　the　jumbled；　tangled；　flashing　images　from　her　head。　Her　mind　focused；　for　the　first　time