安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第57章
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despite the mess and bother； im glad it hasnt deserted me。
as you can no doubt imagine； we often say in despair； 〃whats the point of the war？
why； oh； why cant people live together peacefully？ why all this destruction？〃
the question is understandable； but up to now no one has e up with a satisfactory answer。 why is england manufacturing bigger and better airplanes and bombs and at the same time churning out new houses for reconstruction？ why are millions spent on the war each day； while not a penny is available for medical science； artists or the poor？ why do people have to starve when mountains of food are rotting away in other parts of the world？ oh； why are people so crazy？
i dont believe the war is simply the work of politicians and capitalists。 oh no； the mon man is every bit as guilty； otherwise； people and nations would have re… belled long ago！ theres a destructive urge in people； the urge to rage； murder and kill。 and until all of humanity； without exception； undergoes a metamorphosis； wars will continue to be waged； and everything that has been carefully built up； cultivated and grown will be cut down and destroyed； only to start allover again！
ive often been down in the dumps； but never desperate。 i look upon our life in hiding as an interesting adventure； full of danger and romance； and every privation as an amusing addition to my diary。 ive made up my mind to lead a different life from other girls； and not to bee an ordinary housewife later on。 what im experiencing here is a good beginning to an interesting life； and thats the reason the only reason why i have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments。
im young and have many hidden qualities； im young and strong and living through a big adventure； im right in the middle of it and cant spend all day plaining because its impossible to have any fun！ im blessed with many things： happiness； a cheerful disposition and strength。 every day i feel myself maturing； i feel liberation drawing near； i feel the beauty of nature and the goodness of the people around me。 every day i think what a fascinating and amusing adventure this is！ with all that； why should i despair？
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； may 5； 1944
dear kitty；
fathers unhappy with me。 after our talk on sunday he thought id stop going upstairs every evening。 he wont have any of that 〃knutscherej〃* ＇* necking＇ going on。 i cant stand that word。 talking about it was bad enough why does he have to make me feel bad too！ ill have a word with him today。 margot gave me some good advice。
heres more or less what id like to say：
i think you expect an explanation from me； father； so ill give you one。 youre disap… pointed in me； you expected more restraint from me； you no doubt want me to act the way a fourteen…year…old is supposed to。 but thats where youre wrong！
since weve been here； from july 1942 until a few weeks ago； i havent had an easy time。 if only you knew how much i used to cry at night； how unhappy and despondent i was； how lonely i felt； youd understand my wanting to go upstairs！ ive now reached the point where i dont need the support of mother or anyone else。 it didnt happen overnight。 ive struggled long and hard and shed many tears to bee as independent as i am now。 you can laugh and refuse to believe me； but i dont care。 i know im an independent person； and i dont feel i need to account to you for my actions。 im only telling you this because i dont want you to think im doing things behind your back。 but theres only one person im accountable to； and thats me。
when i was having problems； everyone and that includes you closed their eyes and ears and didnt help me。 on the contrary； all i ever got were admonitions not to be so noisy。 i was noisy only to keep myself from being miserable all the time。 i was overconfident to keep from having to listen to the voice inside me。 ive been putting on an act for the last year and a half； day in； day out。 ive never plained or dropped my mask； nothing of the kind； and now。 。 。 now the battle is over。 ive won！ im independent； in both body and mind。 i dont need a mother anymore； and ive emerged from the struggle a stronger person。
now that its over； now that i know the battle has been won； i want to go my own way； to follow the path that seems right to me。 dont think of me as a fourteen…year…old； since all these troubles have made me older； i wont regret my actions； ill behave the way i think i should！
gentle persuasion wont keep me from going upstairs。 youll either have to forbid it； or trust me through thick and thin。 whatever you do； just leave me alone！
yours； anne
m。 frank
saturday； may 6； 1944
dearest kitty；
last night before dinner i tucked the letter id written into fathers pocket。 according to margot； he read it and was upset for the rest of the evening。 （i was upstairs doing the dishes！） poor pim； i might have known what the effect of such an epistle would
be。 hes so sensitive！ i immediately told peter not to ask any questions or say anything more。 pims said nothing else to me about the matter。 is he going to？
everything here is more or less back to normal。 we can hardly believe what jan； mr。
kugler and mr。 kleiman tell us about the prices and the people on the outside； half a pound of tea costs 350。00 guilders； half a pound of coffee 80。00 guilders； a pound of butter 35。00 guilders； one egg 1。45 guilders。 people are paying 14。00 guilders an ounce for bulgarian tobacco！ everyones trading on the black market； every errand boy has something to offer。 the delivery boy from the bakery has supplied us with darning thread…90 cents for one measly skein…the milkman can get hold of ration books； an undertaker delivers cheese。 break…ins； murders and thefts are daily occurrences。 even the police and night watchmen are getting in on the act。 everyone wants to put food in their stomachs； and since salaries have been frozen； people have had to resort to swindling。 the police have their hands full trying to track down the many girls of fifteen； sixteen； seventeen and older who are reported missing every day。
i want to try to finish my story about ellen； the fairy。 just for fun； i can give it to father on his birthday； together with all the copyrights。
see you later！ （actually； thats not the right phrase。 in the german program broadcast from england they always close with 〃aufwiederhoren。〃 so i guess i should say； 〃until we write again。〃）
yours； anne
m。 frank
sunday morning； may 7；1944
dearest kitty；
father and i had a long talk yesterday afternoon。 i cried my eyes out； and he cried too。 do you know what he said to me； kitty？
〃ive received many letters in my lifetime； but none as hurtful as this。 you； who have had so much love from your parents。 you； whose parents have always been ready to help you； who have always defended you； no matter what。 you talk of not having to account to us for your actions！ you feel youve been wronged and left to your own devices。 no； anne； youve done us a great injustice！
〃perhaps you didnt mean it that way； but thats what you wrote。 no； anne； we have done nothing to deserve such a reproach！〃
oh； ive failed miserably。 this is the worst thing ive ever done in my entire life。 i used my tears to show off； to make myself seem important so hed respect me。 ive certainly had my share of unhappiness； and everything i said about mother is true。 but to accuse pim； whos so good and whos done everything for me…no； that was too cruel for words。
its good that somebody has finally cut me down to size； has broken my pride； because ive been far too smug。 not everything mistress anne does is good！ any… one who deliberately causes such pain to someone they say they love is despicable； the lowest of the low！
what im most ashamed of is the way father has forgiven me； he said hes going to throw the letter in the stove； and hes being so nice to me now； as if he were the one whod done something wrong。 well； anne； you still have a lot to learn。 its time you made a beginning； in… stead of looking down at others and always giving them the blame！
ive known a lot of sorrow； but who hasnt at my age？ ive been putting on an act； but was hardly even aware of
